


Seeping Sasori

by Frostberry



Series: Travailler Depuis des Années [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: TBH I PROBABLY WOULDNT READ THIS 0/10 DONT RECOMMEND IT WAS DURING MY OLD AKATSUKI DAYS, hidan singing about cunts, i was young okay, probably the worst fic you have ever seen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 00:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15231726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frostberry/pseuds/Frostberry
Summary: In a bar, Deidara and Hidan get drunk and attempt to persuade Sasori to have some beer. It doesn't work.





	Seeping Sasori

The Akatsuki could easily be divided into two social groups: Those who drank.

...Those who didn't.

Those who obviously got intoxicated quite highly every bar weekend: Deidara, Hidan, Kisame, Pein, Konan, Zetsu's white half.

Those who didn't: Itachi, Kakuzu, Zetsu's black half, Sasori. 

Now, Kakuzu's drinking days were over, Itachi preferred to watch everyone drunk rather than himself, Zetsu's black half was already scary as it was, and then there was Sasori. 

Whom claimed to have never drunk before.

So Deidara decided it was his  _ duty _ to get his Danna to have at least a  _ tiny-weeny little sip  _ of something alcoholic. He'd die a lonely boy- man…

***

"Y'know," Hidan said, not bothering to swallow his drink before talking. Liquid seeped over his mouth and onto his chest, "If he claims to be a puppet and shit, like, all of him, his tongue would be wooden and wouldn't be able to taste anything?"

"Well he says he doesn't feel anything," chimed in Deidara, taking a swig.

"So if he can't feel anything, so what if something hits him on the arse? Does he turn around?"

Deidara stared at the contents of his glass before responding, "I don't know if he has an arse or not, yeah."

The two in union turned their seats to face the puppeteer in a far corner. He was playing a card game with Kakuzu. Hidan rolled his eyes. Such old farts.

NOW, in that situation, what would Deidara and Hidan be playing?

Strip poker, of course!

But Kakuzu would kill him... in Kakuzu-threatening ways of course. It always left Hidan with usually either a broken neck or no limbs. 

"Boring, yeah," Deidara commented on the two of them. "They are like in a freakin' nursing home. Kakuzu's already old and Sasori's in that shell thing all the time. That really pisses me off, what Hiruko is."

"A fugly scorpion with shit for arms?" Hidan suggested. "That's what it looks like."

"Danna isn't fugly! He's a piece of art!"

"Bullshit. You stupid artists don't know a thing about art."

Deidara turned towards his drinking mate and threw his drink at him. Alcohol splashed onto the Jashinist's face, the liquid dripping down to his collarbone. "So what's your opinion on art, yeah?"

"There isn't one... Oh, except I knew this person who put himself on a canvas and blew himself up with exploding tags. Blood everywhere - he sacrificed himself for art, hahaha!"

"Sick, man."

"True, Blondie..."

They fell silent while Hidan took his cloak from the floor to wipe his face free. Meanwhile, Kakuzu whispered something to Sasori which made him get out a scroll and change into his original state. Not that Deidara cared a lot. When you were a little intoxicated, nothing really mattered all that much. It took a while for both of them to start singing with the bartender who gave them a uninterested look and turned away, to serve a customer.

***

The two of them wandered over to Kakuzu and Sasori.

"Still playing that stupid game?" Hidan used Kakuzu as a chair, almost startling the Akatsuki treasurer as him and Deidara had crept so quietly to them. "Hey 'Sori, he has two clubs-" Kakuzu elbowed him out the way with enough force to crush his cheek. He fell onto the ground quite dramatically. Deidara giggled.

"Yeah! Go Kuzu! Beat him up!"

"Deidara," Sasori inputted, slamming his cards suddenly to the table with a thunk, "Go back to your seat and stop annoying us."

Deidara pouted. "You've been playing that stupid game for hours, un!"

"It's not stupid, kid."

"You're stupid! So are you, Hidan's friend...  _ hic. _ .. whatever your name is again, yeah."

"You said it thirty seconds ago, Deidara,” Kakuzu pointed out. 

"Deidara would never do such a thing!" Hidan sounded shocked. "Seriously! Hey Dei, come with me! We'll be back!" Sasori smirked openly as Hidan licked his partner on the cheek before jumping over tables to get back to what they were doing before.

"He really likes you, doesn't he?" said Sasori. 

Kakuzu nodded, putting down two cards. "He's always like this when he's in a bar..."

***

"And you can't say-"

"Hidan, you can't say it!"

"-In Canada, saying-"

"Hey!"

"Not's very nice at all, if you can't say  _ Cunt _ in Canada, then ask the girls what they call it... And they said muff, moot, minge, quin, twat, little flower twinkle tunnel of love!"

"...You said it."

"Said what, blondie!"

"The "c" word!  _ Oh my god _ Konan would so kill YOU if you sang that song in front of her!"

"What song? You can't say  _ Cunt in Canada _ ?"

"Yeah-”

"You gotta say it in French as well! pilerplut, la cunt, president, miteron, (kiss kiss) pepe le pew!"

Hidan's insulting singing and Deidara's yelling at him caused, yet again, Kakuzu and Sasori to glare at the two of them. Hidan was waving around his headband and Deidara looked rather like a priss telling him off. As the singing got louder, the more bizarre the pair of them got. After singing a lot of the current top songs, the Konoha national anthem, it went from that to Snow White and the seven dwarf's song "Heigh-ho" then to "Teletubbies" (backwards) and currently...

"... _ You know the closer you get to something, the tougher it is to see it _ ..." Hidan swayed, both men with their arms over each others shoulders.

" _ And I'll never take it for granted _ !"

" _... _ What’s the next line... is it _ , 'again and again and again _ ?'"

"Yeah, something like that. It sounds like it, yeah."

"It does... until you read the subtitles then you realize, "what the fuck! The first verse is in Japanese, then they repeat the verse again when me and 'Kuzu come in prancing around with super fucking ducking awesome camera shots, in English!"'

Kakuzu and Sasori stared at them.

"Will they ever shut up?" Sasori shook his head. "Come on, I think we should knock them out before Deidara starts slobbering everything with his hands."

"Good point," Kakuzu got up, Sasori behind him, and strode right up to the two who were making a racket by out-of-tune singing. They had scared the other occupants of the bar off already. The bartender told them to leave, but they didn't hear him.

"Deidara, Hidan-" Sasori started to say.

"Danna!" To Sasori's surprise, his face was engulfed in blonde hair. "Wanna drink, yeah?” 

"No." said Sasori shortly. "We're leaving in a couple of minutes." Deidara looked up, not letting go.

"But... but..."

"What the fuck? Why!" Hidan was angry. "I was enjoying myself tonight!"

"Shut up." The thirty-something year old who was currently in a fifteen-year old's body snapped, "You're making a racket. No one wants to hear you.” 

"Hmph. Whatever, asshole." Hidan took his drink from the table and gave it to Sasori. "We're not leaving until you drink."

"No."

Deidara nodded his head furiously. "Do it!"

"No."

"Oh come on."

"No."

"Have you ever drank before, Danna?"

"No."

Hidan pushed Deidara out the way and leered at Sasori. "Do it, or I'll kill you, got it?" He paused and adjusted the lights above for the extra effect and contrast.

Sasori sighed at them both. Fine then.

He took the glass and drained it in one gulp. He couldn't feel a thing, until-

"Ewwww! Gross!"

Deidara screamed.

"Danna! You pissed all over yourself!"

Sasori put the glass down. The liquid had seeped all over his neck, being a puppet, he needed those parts to move his neck, not eat or drink. Kakuzu, knowing Sasori longer than the two of the other members of Akatsuki, knew this was going to happen. He knew Deidara and Hidan acted pretty silly tonight, which meant they wouldn't be able to remember what happened in the morning.

Except they did. And they never, ever let them down about it. 

 


End file.
